I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
