Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
