I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
