so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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