trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
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I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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