Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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