Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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