3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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