It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
