Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
