I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
