Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
