May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
