By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
