I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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