Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
