That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my phone needs a breathalizer
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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