We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
