I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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