Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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