this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
