Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
