WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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