dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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