apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
