My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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