You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
