I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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