Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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