You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
