i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
