she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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