Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
