And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
