he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
