Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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