I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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