dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
