Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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