The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
