wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My balls are so social today.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
