yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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