You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
