I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
