He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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