your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
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Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms