Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.

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(678): View more from Georgia

No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works

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(631): View more from New York

I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis

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21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Read it at the TFLN blog
(614): View more from Ohio

Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.

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(703): View more from Virginia

just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels

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(205): View more from Alabama

you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone

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