thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone