She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.