My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize