You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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