Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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