carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
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and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
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Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice