I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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