Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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