Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
