I think I am morally bankrupt
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
