Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
