i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
