his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
