It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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