Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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