You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Mom said you looked used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize