My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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