He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
