Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
