OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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