please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
