it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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