do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Sext me about skeletons
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
