last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
