nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
