remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
