We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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