the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
