My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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