dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
