so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
