Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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