yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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