I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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