Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
