Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
where are you?
Hypothermia
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
