I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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