I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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