rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
