Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
